{a heavy heart}

It’s been a strange few weeks as of late.

I want to be a glass is half full kind of girl but mine has soured milk in it and it’s making me look over my shoulder and say, “hey, who put this here?  This isn’t good”.

Started with best friends of ours announcing they were divorcing.  Felt like a sucker punch to the gut.  Totally didn’t see that coming.  Just decided they’d be best friends to one another but just wanted different things.  No hard feelings.  Just wanted to move on.  My heart is heavy and grieving for the loss.  The first one of the week.

The second loss came days later.  Do you remember not long ago, back here…where I was sharing with you that we had a friend we were helping to care for with terminal cancer?  His wife was not / is not well.  She really didn’t have the capacity to advocate for his care in the end and we tried to get social workers to intervene as they could to make sure he was comfortable and cared for properly.   I’m starting to think maybe his wife has Alzheimer’s because her behavior has been erratic and mean and down right, kind of crazy.  She either has called here to yell at my husband about silly things like, the fact he didn’t gas her car up (that still had half a tank full) on a Sunday afternoon like she wanted.  He offered to come at 8am the next morning to do it but that just made her mad.  But she has called here at least twice to yell at him, curse him and then hang up on him for not coming right when she called saying she can’t depend on him for anything.  He’d call our friend and say, “Good Morning, this is Mr. Preston…” and “click!”.  So odd since she has doted over our family for years and years until her husband got sick.  And like a switch, she just turned on everyone.  She’s hung up on neighbors calling to ask how her husband was, responding with “ain’t none of your damn business” and then “click”.  She started to become very unpredictable with her temper with our friend.  Nursing staff was worried.  I know she must be scared about being alone and her own failing health but she made it very difficult in the end.  She had every nurse on pins and needles and cursed at all of them and at her husband every time she saw him – he’d call our home everyday upset, in pain, and crying for help.  It just wasn’t the way you want the end of your life to be.  I think we helped him have some bright spots and gave him love and attention he needed since he had no children of his own.  We made him part of our family.

The one night about 3 weeks ago, when we just decided after supper to go and see our friend and take the kids turned out to be a good decision.  He was still up and on his feet.  I wrote this after that night…

“One of the peas said in a whisper when we were there last night, “can I ask Bob if I can give him a hug?”.  The gardener said, I think he’d like that.  Go ahead.  And so she asked, “can I give you a hug Bob?”.  He said of course and they both got tears in their eyes.  One of them 9 years old, the other almost 90.  I know there’s a heaven but the real human part of me can’t help but to still be frightened about the end.”

Bob went on to heaven yesterday morning.  He was a good man, a good friend, and our family will miss him.

The first thing one of the peas said to me when I told them, “Mama, that’s a good thing, right?  He’s in heaven now and he’s all better and happy.  Right?  This is a good thing, right?”.  Comforting words from a 9 year old whose next sentiment was, “Does this mean NOW we can play with his wheelchair?”.  It’s been sitting in our garage for the last 2 weeks since we took him to the hospital and they’ve been begging to sit in it and push each other around.

God’s peace Bob.  Your work here is done.  You did good.  Rest and be well.  We will see you soon.

xoxo,

Trish

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15 Responses

  1. So sorry to hear about you friend! Loss is never easy even when you know it is coming. Sending love kristin

  2. I am so sorry to hear of you pain and losses! I know what you mean about the sucker punch…. when my own dad informed my mom he wanted a divorice it was out of the blue, we had no idea it was coming! In fact it was something that would have been expected 5 years prior but now they seemed to be doing great!!

    And your friend, Bob, I am so sorry to hear about his passing but happy for him just the same. Isn’t it so true what they say about out of the mouth of babes! The peas sound so precious and caring! It shows much in their upbringing, that they have caring parents who set the standards for them!!

    Will be praying for you all!!

  3. I’m so sorry for your loss Trish! I’m glad that you were able to make him more comfortable in the end and bring some bright spots into his life.

  4. Wow, this is a lot to deal with and I’m sorry that it all happened within a few short days of each other.

    I too, share in your grief for our friends. Something I was a little shocked to hear but happy they are parting with no hard feelings. As hard as that might before them, we have to support them. We want them to be happy.

    Poor Bob. I’m so sorry you’ve lost a family friend and that you’re struggling. Hugs…

  5. Hey Sweetie!

    Goodness, let’s dump out that sour milk!

    Bob knows what you, the gardener, peas & sprout have done for him and his wife. He’s loved you all for long, loved you at the end and will love you from Heaven!

    God love you all for continuing to advocate for the healthcare needs of Bob and his wife. The anger and verbal outlashes sound a little more like dementia (sp?). My grandmother died 2 yrs ago at 94 and had the verbal outbursts. I’m not a medical professional – just throwing that out. Does she have a family member to assist in future care?

    Love and God’s Blessings to All of You!
    Julia

    I’m here for anything you need….a hike, a cry, a talk, a coffee, a sitter. XOXO!

  6. Trish,
    I’m so sorry to hear about your loss and your sadness. Here’s to hoping that with a little time to heal the glass seems more full soon. {hugs}
    Kim

  7. My prayers are with you… loss is never easy, even if we know it’s heaven’s gain!

  8. People like you and your family make the world a better place…kind, giving, unselfish. How wonderful that you and your family were able to be there for Bob and his wife.

  9. I am so sorry for all of your recent heart ache. It sounds so stressful. I had to giggle at the wheel chair request though. We have a few different couple friends who have divorced and two of them were like getting hit with a Mack truck. Out of no where. I will say that those people are all much happier now, given some space and time so that’s good. I hope things start looking up for you!

  10. wow. you know how to write…this brought me to tears. your heart, being shared, the raw emotion, and LOTS of emotion, and the special people in your life…what a sweet man he must’ve been..and I feel very badly for his wife…praying for you!

  11. I’m sorry to hear of your loss. I’m glad your friend is at peace now.

  12. I know you will all miss him but it’s a wonderful thing that you and your family were able to offer him such comfort.

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