When I feel afraid or think I’ve lost my way…

Brightly shining...

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path”  Psalm 119: 105

You may remember me mentioning a little boy nearby that is the same age as my twins who was recently diagnosed with cancer.  His Mom is friends with a friend of mine from church and I follow their updates on their CaringBridge site.

His Mom posted this today on their site:

Part of me wishes I can get a glimpse into 2010….that I could see the future and what God has planned for Sam this year. I was reading in a devotional today called Everyday Blessings by Max Lucado. This was the devotional for today- December 31st “God isn’t going to let you see  the distant scene. So you might as well quit looking for it. He promises a lamp unto our feet, not a crystal ball into the future. We do not need to know what will happen tomorrow. We only need to know He leads us and we will find grace to help us when we need it.” Psalm 119:105- Your word is like a lamp for my feet and a light for my path.

What resonated with me and in particular, on this New Year’s Eve is that 2010 is a year full of possibilities.  I have no idea where it will take me but I do know that this Psalm is something that I frequently say as I prepare for communion.  I always ask for God to light my path and lead me to where He needs me to be.  For all of us – that we have eyes wide open to see what is before us and follow the path.

And as I think about this for 2010 – I have no idea where on earth that path will lead.  I wish I did.  As she mentioned, I wish I too had a crystal ball.

We have had a particularly rough year financially – as have many people.  I don’t want to go into personal finance details but the decision for me to work part time so I can be home with our kids all those years ago – well, we felt it more this year than we ever have before.  And it’s a real bummer at times.  That decision simply means that we can’t do a whole lot of extra things and trying to explain that to our kids can be heartbreaking.  And there are times I feel afraid or think I’m totally lost at where I’m supposed to be going.  Did we make the right decisions?  Faith shines and I know that we have…

This Christmas, I paid for all of it out of my craft money.  Every single gift, which wasn’t a lot but it was special to them, paid cash from my craft shows and local sales.  And sales – were dismal.  Everyone is hurting right now.  And all those days I told them to quit bugging me for just a few hours in the afternoon after spending all morning with them so I could sew because I was prepping for holiday shows…well, they finally got it.  They understood how hard I worked and why.  Christmas day, they were almost in tears when they realized that the gifts they were so excited about came from us  – from all that hard work.  It clicked.

But being broke sometimes can be a blessing.  And really, we aren’t “broke”.  We just don’t have the “extras” and what is that anyway?

I think we all learn valuable lessons about what we value.  And stuff isn’t it.  It just isn’t.  We craft more.  Garden more.  Window shop.  Splurge on dollar shakes at Arbys.  Go to kids eat free nights at Skyline.  We go to the park where they Dad is a Ranger.  We visit with friends.  We bake.  We go to the thrift store to look for treasures.  I’m a major bargain shopper when it comes to clothing and shoes.  We find ways to spoil them but in meaningful ways and ways to do it that make it special – and we love them a whole bunch and they know it, feel it and return it to us and everyone around them.  They make me a better person every day.  Them.  Not because of me as a parent to them.  Because they are amazing little people with a faith of their own and they inspire me to love and live better each day.

I guess, my point is – this Psalm, asking God to guide us, to trust that we will be provided for and to trust the journey we are on is not one that we know where it’s going but one that we are meant to be on and will be exactly what we need.  I shouldn’t need to know what will happen tomorrow but live for today.

It makes me feel very hopeful for 2010.

I hope you feel that hope and excitement that  a New Year brings and may you be blessed more than you ever could imagine.

Happy New Year!



7 Responses

  1. Looks like you have been a welcome commenter on several blogs in the past few days! Thanks for saying hello on mine! I love the photo at the top of this post, it is so beautiful. I’m going to have another look at your patchwork wristlet tutorial now, it looks very cute!

  2. Hi Trish! Thanks for coming by my blog and leaving a comment. It means a lot to me since I’m pretty sure no one ever reads my posts ;). I am a hobby crafter and do so pretty infrequently at that.
    I’ve been perusing through your archives and appreciate your candor in talking about your faith and family, hopes and dreams, anxieties and doubts.
    May your 2010 be the best year yet, for you, the gardener and all the little sweet peas.
    God Bless You.

  3. I think there will always be that extra that you just can’t afford. When you can finally afford it, there is something else beyond that. I think it’s so much better to just enjoy the people you love without always having to buy things or go out to eat or whatever. Great post!

  4. Trish, First let me say thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. I’m the one with the Banana Bunker picture! I don’t have too many visitors…mostly my daughters and sisters. I read your post. It struck a cord with me. I don’t think I’d want to know what’s in store for me this year. I’d rather be “surprised” and go from there. One thing I need to work on is trusting in the Lord more than I do. I hope your year is filled with an abundance of blessings!!!

  5. I read your post and I Wish you a good 2010 , a good health, peace and harmony in yourself.I should wish to believe your psalm, I am grown up with the bible but I ‘ve lost a bit everything. But anyhow immediately I am touched ……..

  6. What a lovely, thought-provoking post to start the New Year Trish, thank you so much and may the Lord bless you and your family and continue to shine his light for you.

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